Verbal, emotional and physical violence, abuse, self-esteem attacks and bullying behaviors in families are undeniably a crime. Undeniably? It depends… as much as human rights depend on something. Many european countries – especially in the mediterranean, where most abuses are justified as long as they occur inside a family, that kind of over-protected social “capsule”… – don’t concern much about such issues, have no hotlines nor support institutions (or have ghost-institutions which don’t work as they were supposed to) and, worst than that, the society as a whole seems to believe in this ideology according to which what happens inside a family should be solved inside it as well, with no external interference whatsoever and as much silence as possible around it. Perhaps this is an ultimate evidence of the catholic “sacred family” unconscious influence, and an evidence of redemption through sacrifice as well?
“Against your family you should not fight nor plea, what a shameful thing to do…”, the social walls echo around the braver and more lonely individuals, who then become completely ostracized. This “blood of your blood” biological logic legitimates so many injustices still, as if one would be forced to bear any kind of violence, abuse or insult just because he/she was randomly born in a given family or group of people, who happen to be destructive towards one member of the group, the scapegoat, on whom they project all their bad aspects, thoughts and feelings, hence getting rid of them by means of a pathological way of functioning, which is the only one they will ever know. The “family-capsule” logic thus overcomes the democratic logic, something to worry about.
Berber and Arabian heritages should have had their influence as well. Though, traditionally, in Arabian culture different people are all considered a brotherhood and equal human beings among themselves, and power is faced as corrupting those who use it, in practical terms blood or belonging “families” (either genetic or extended) play an essential role anyway, mostly in the affirmation of the privileged over the poor, the men over the women and the faithful ones over the unfaithful people.
The powerless feeling is inevitably related with abuse of power from someone else. When a group martyrizes an individual, poles are not balanced and the situation is unfair (to say the truth, it is sometimes dehuman enough when groups fight between them… so an individual against a group is something cruel). Nevertheless, some still somehow believe that if such unfairness systematically occurs inside a family, then it is forgivable and understandable because you should relate with your family so you can be considered a “normal” human being in a given society. In certain cases, though, the price of being considered “normal” is equivalent to accept being massacred and destroyed. Is it more “normal” for a blood or belonging family to destroy an individual? Should the group be always right, the “natural” group, for as aggressive as it is? Intriguing questions…
His/her relation to family is supposed so signal the level of adequacy of an individual in some societies. And this common sense belief isn’t completely unwise, except when it assumes the form of a blood family dictatorship (when it can only accept the individual if he keeps relating with blood family, for as destructive as such relation is for him), or when it legitimates obvious or unapparent bullying from origin family as if a “natural” thing to bear, as genes for example, or a kind of pre-established faith to which the individual must be subdued to. Higher levels of hypocrisy are hard to imagine, although some societies as a whole seem blind to them.
Bullying families are one of the most disastrous social problems that modern societies have to face and solve. If they cannot solve it, they cannot be called modern societies, since they will keep presenting a fundamental human rights’ deficit.
“Against your family you should not fight nor plea, what a shameful thing to do…”, the social walls echo around the braver and more lonely individuals, who then become completely ostracized. This “blood of your blood” biological logic legitimates so many injustices still, as if one would be forced to bear any kind of violence, abuse or insult just because he/she was randomly born in a given family or group of people, who happen to be destructive towards one member of the group, the scapegoat, on whom they project all their bad aspects, thoughts and feelings, hence getting rid of them by means of a pathological way of functioning, which is the only one they will ever know. The “family-capsule” logic thus overcomes the democratic logic, something to worry about.
Berber and Arabian heritages should have had their influence as well. Though, traditionally, in Arabian culture different people are all considered a brotherhood and equal human beings among themselves, and power is faced as corrupting those who use it, in practical terms blood or belonging “families” (either genetic or extended) play an essential role anyway, mostly in the affirmation of the privileged over the poor, the men over the women and the faithful ones over the unfaithful people.
The powerless feeling is inevitably related with abuse of power from someone else. When a group martyrizes an individual, poles are not balanced and the situation is unfair (to say the truth, it is sometimes dehuman enough when groups fight between them… so an individual against a group is something cruel). Nevertheless, some still somehow believe that if such unfairness systematically occurs inside a family, then it is forgivable and understandable because you should relate with your family so you can be considered a “normal” human being in a given society. In certain cases, though, the price of being considered “normal” is equivalent to accept being massacred and destroyed. Is it more “normal” for a blood or belonging family to destroy an individual? Should the group be always right, the “natural” group, for as aggressive as it is? Intriguing questions…
His/her relation to family is supposed so signal the level of adequacy of an individual in some societies. And this common sense belief isn’t completely unwise, except when it assumes the form of a blood family dictatorship (when it can only accept the individual if he keeps relating with blood family, for as destructive as such relation is for him), or when it legitimates obvious or unapparent bullying from origin family as if a “natural” thing to bear, as genes for example, or a kind of pre-established faith to which the individual must be subdued to. Higher levels of hypocrisy are hard to imagine, although some societies as a whole seem blind to them.
Bullying families are one of the most disastrous social problems that modern societies have to face and solve. If they cannot solve it, they cannot be called modern societies, since they will keep presenting a fundamental human rights’ deficit.
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